Enough

This isn’t going to be the most eloquent post, but it is the most vulnerable. I had a post in progress before recent events, and I’m typing this nervously because this is far more important than: “Vegan Eats in Houston”.

Some of you may not agree with my feelings. I have often chosen the route that makes people around me feel comfortable, but that can’t be done here. For this particular discussion, approval doesn’t concern me. I stand where I stand and it is firm.

This is a place for people with sensitive, kind and empathetic spirits- if you don’t agree that racism is abhorrent, you are potentially in the wrong place to begin with. This isn’t your site.

I created this platform as a way for me to reach people, be a light, and speak my truth. I wanted a place where universal love, acceptance and transparency are valued. If I can not do that now, when it matters most- I have no right to be here using or owning this blog. If I can’t talk about how I see things honestly during this time, it means that what I promote here is a lie and makes my morals easily compromised.

I don’t know the Black community’s struggle in depth.

Furthermore, I will never truly understand the pain felt that I have been spared from.

As a highly sensitive person, or what some may refer to as an “empath”, the weight of injustice, suffering and oppression has the ability to fill my soul to the brim. As I type this now, my hands are shaky and my thoughts are not well organized as I start to realize the times I have missed taking the responsibility of standing against the wrongs of this world.

Recently, I have skimmed conversations online where I see other white individuals defending themselves and find myself deeply disturbed by it.

I can’t even imagine what it is like to read that as a person of color. The frustration at others not understanding the point and instead using it as a way to protect themselves must be all consuming.

To be angered at the violence and not feel the same for the injustice is hypocritical. I don’t support destruction, but I can comprehend that there are consequences that come with being fed up, unheard and not seen. I can also determine that there are people involving themselves in less violent ways and the media can alter which of those we witness most.

Either way, it is a chance for things to change.

I refused to be shocked by riots and not by a broken system.

I think of the Stonewall riots, where trans women of color stood up and initiated substantial progression for the LGBTQ+ rights movement.

The resources that have been provided to me have humbled me as I’ve learned a lot.

Two months ago, I read “Gateway to Freedom” by Eric Foner which opened my eyes up to racism in a big way, but it still wasn’t enough.

Last night, I started making my way down a list of movies suggested. I started with 13th as a good friend of mine said it changed the way she saw things.

I see why she said that, because it it will move you to your core.

If you require facts, figures, and statistics to give you a better picture of the broken justice system in America against the black community, this is it. These are numbers and stories that you can not ignore.

If there are things that I don’t understand, I have a responsibility to inform myself in the best way possible. I am responsible for my lack of knowledge.

I am so sorry that I have been ignorant and sheltered from the suffering. I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to vocalize in detail.

I am so sorry that people are using this as a way to defend their opinions and privilege in a way that diminishes your cause.

Many individuals are glancing inwardly to reflect on where they need to grow and the knowledge they should consume. We are changing and becoming less blind. I promise to do my part in maintaining this momentum.

I will not support the usage of “all lives matter” because it is an escape hatch for the defensive and a cop-out for the truth.

Unless the statement Black Lives Matter is acknowledged, “all lives” holds no weight.

I will remove myself from the comfortable box I like to stay in so that no one is offended, and instead have difficult conversations.

I will grow. I will acknowledge. I will support.

More love than ever before,

Leah